How often do you apologise for crying in public? Hopefully you don’t feel you need to at Restoration. We are a crying church after all.
But what is it about this sense of needing to apologise for our tear-stained cheeks and runny noses? What are we really doing? This is how we, perhaps without realising it, push towards a culture that says, “Tears are not what we do here” or, “I know a brave face is more mature and respectable”. Something in our society has turned grief into weakness.
Arthur Bennett blows this out of the water in his book of prayers “The Valley of Vision”, which is based on his adaptation of Puritan works. He invites us to say:
“Let me learn by paradox,
the way down is the way up…
the valley is the place of vison”.
There is worship in grief. The righteous can and should question God. Bennett’s prayer continues: “Lord, high and mighty, meek and lowly, thou hast brought me to the valley of vision”.
Perhaps you have walked in a deep mountain valley, the towering peaks on either side stand in majesty, yet bring trepidation. Grief can be like this, it can make us feel invisible, small, and fragile. Deep in this valley we whisper, “All your waves and breakers have swept over me”. 1
What if we flipped this societal norm?
Like the children’s book “Upside Down Day”, what if we embraced the valley and those walking through it without looking for an upside or joyful exit. Often, when discussing and reflecting on the Psalms of lament the hard lines and phrases have been rushed so that the happy ending of praise can tie things off.
But have we mistakenly read something into the Psalms that wasn’t there? Are not cries for deliverance written from times of trouble? The Psalmist is in the thick of it, “I will yet praise him”, even through agony, a broken heart, a tear-soaked pillow. “Why oh God?” Worship does not need us to have it together. Devotion is, after all, simply where we direct our attention. If you’re crying out to God, you’re worshiping.
Psalm 1, invites us to meditation, to blessing, and to submission to Yahweh, as it teaches us how to read the Psalter. The remaining 149 psalms are full of prayers and songs offered to Yahweh, including 65 prayers of lament that all invite imitation.
In the Psalms God provides these responses as appropriate and even righteous 2. Can you see what this is doing? The broken, lost, and pain-filled person clutching at life and awash in grief can cry out from their anguish in righteousness!
Don’t jump to happy endings when someone is grieving. Instead, get down in that valley with them. CS Lewis, reflecting on the loss of his wife, helpfully articulates the nature of grief, “I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process” 3.
Embrace the valley- with those who are in it. We’re on a journey and it’s never a quick exit. Turn up and walk with them 4. Acknowledgement of someone’s situation or grief is critical, advice is not.
But what is it about this sense of needing to apologise for our tear-stained cheeks and runny noses? What are we really doing? This is how we, perhaps without realising it, push towards a culture that says, “Tears are not what we do here” or, “I know a brave face is more mature and respectable”. Something in our society has turned grief into weakness.
Arthur Bennett blows this out of the water in his book of prayers “The Valley of Vision”, which is based on his adaptation of Puritan works. He invites us to say:
“Let me learn by paradox,
the way down is the way up…
the valley is the place of vison”.
There is worship in grief. The righteous can and should question God. Bennett’s prayer continues: “Lord, high and mighty, meek and lowly, thou hast brought me to the valley of vision”.
Perhaps you have walked in a deep mountain valley, the towering peaks on either side stand in majesty, yet bring trepidation. Grief can be like this, it can make us feel invisible, small, and fragile. Deep in this valley we whisper, “All your waves and breakers have swept over me”. 1
What if we flipped this societal norm?
Like the children’s book “Upside Down Day”, what if we embraced the valley and those walking through it without looking for an upside or joyful exit. Often, when discussing and reflecting on the Psalms of lament the hard lines and phrases have been rushed so that the happy ending of praise can tie things off.
But have we mistakenly read something into the Psalms that wasn’t there? Are not cries for deliverance written from times of trouble? The Psalmist is in the thick of it, “I will yet praise him”, even through agony, a broken heart, a tear-soaked pillow. “Why oh God?” Worship does not need us to have it together. Devotion is, after all, simply where we direct our attention. If you’re crying out to God, you’re worshiping.
Psalm 1, invites us to meditation, to blessing, and to submission to Yahweh, as it teaches us how to read the Psalter. The remaining 149 psalms are full of prayers and songs offered to Yahweh, including 65 prayers of lament that all invite imitation.
In the Psalms God provides these responses as appropriate and even righteous 2. Can you see what this is doing? The broken, lost, and pain-filled person clutching at life and awash in grief can cry out from their anguish in righteousness!
Don’t jump to happy endings when someone is grieving. Instead, get down in that valley with them. CS Lewis, reflecting on the loss of his wife, helpfully articulates the nature of grief, “I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process” 3.
Embrace the valley- with those who are in it. We’re on a journey and it’s never a quick exit. Turn up and walk with them 4. Acknowledgement of someone’s situation or grief is critical, advice is not.
1. Psalm 42:7
2. Material drawn from Finding Lost Words: The Church's Right to Lament, G. Geoffrey Harper; Kit Barker (Editors)
3. A grief observed C.S Lewis
4. What Grieving People Wish You Knew About What Really Helps (And What Really Hurts), Nancy Guthrie
2. Material drawn from Finding Lost Words: The Church's Right to Lament, G. Geoffrey Harper; Kit Barker (Editors)
3. A grief observed C.S Lewis
4. What Grieving People Wish You Knew About What Really Helps (And What Really Hurts), Nancy Guthrie